I’ve decided I have a bi-polar like relationship with my career. Sometimes it makes me feel horribly depressed, and then there are times like yesterday…

I was shooting for a new client, and not just any new client – but Pepsi. It was a corporate event to launch a few new products of theirs that they’ve developed primarily as mixers for various cocktails. My creative instruction was to focus mainly on the drinks. So, I made it my goal to make as many of the shots as possible look good enough to be used in an ad for a magazine or on a billboard – even though I was there covering an “event.”

For those of you that know nothing about the commercial photography world – that’s a lofty goal considering how much often goes into creating shots for print advertising. Did I succeed? Well, I’m confident the client will be happy with what I deliver, and yes, some of them could work for ads due to the recent trend of using less polished and refined looking shots for ads. But I certainly could have done better had I’d been shooting for a particular layout and spending more time with the lighting and composition. For me though, it was more about challenging myself to shoot as much of it as possible at a higher level than was expected. The idea of being able to hand an art director or designer usable images when put in a less than ideal situation: No crew. Having to shoot very fast – documentary style. And only using a strobe on a stick.

So there I was – just me – shooting it all – and feeling like I was knocking it out of the park. Apparently, a few others there seemed to think I was too. They mentioned to me that I didn’t seem like I was just the average photographer they usually hire and that they wanted me to shoot for them as well.

Yeah. So, here I am feeling absolutely worthless some days in regards to what I do. And then there are days like yesterday where I feel like I could get away with wearing a cape – and my underwear on the outside of my pants. Like some kind of photo-taking superhero.

I often feel so at ease with what I do when I’ve actually got a camera in my hands while shooting assignments. It’s euphoric at times even. But then there are the times when you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Lucky for me it’s rare that the actual shooting makes me feel that way. It’s all that comes before and after the actual shooting – it’s the days between gigs that get to me the most. It’s easy to get so overwhelmed with all that you need to be doing – or can be doing – that you can’t seem to get anything done at all.

At one point, shooting for companies like Coke and Pepsi was nothing but a dream to me. Yet now, I’ve shot for both. It once was just a dream to have portfolios with images in them like I have now. Yet now, I have shots I’ve done for clients like – like Coke – that I’ve never even bothered to process out and show on my website.

It makes me realize I’m pretty unappreciative of the success I have had as a photographer. Because I know there are plenty of photographers out there that’d love to show some of the stuff I’ve shot that I’ve never even bothered to look at again after having delivered it to the client. I’ve got where I’d rather photograph a stranger on the street and share their image and advice about life with people.

So, there are the euphoric highs of feeling like you’re doing exactly what God wants you to be doing in life. And then there are the horrible lows of feeling like you’re a fool for wanting to be in a field like commercial photography. The lows of feeling like you’re a fake and really aren’t good enough to be in the business – when you have what seems to be an endless amount of images that say otherwise.

Being good enough at something you love doing to have people pay you (and sometimes pay you a lot) to do it. That’s an absolute blessing. But, believe me when I tell you that it can be an oppressive curse too.

I believe it’s a sin to waste a God given talent that you know you have. So many people out there go through life having never discovered their true talents and passions. Yet, we all have these innate talents within us that we’ve yet to discover. Sadly, we may never discover some of them, though. And *that* is why it’s so important to try and do some good with those that you have discovered – whatever they may be.

*That* is why it’s so important to not let the fear of letting go of one thing keep you from grabbing ahold of another. Another career – and another potential passion – that could allow you to brighten the days of those that you work with, those that you serve, and maybe even those you’ll never know – in ways that you’ll never even know.

So, I’ve been thinking a lot recently about why I do what I do – and what I want to do. Who I want to be. Me writing and sharing all this has been an outward expression of that – that I hope others might benefit from reading at some point.

And the shot I’ve posted with it. Well, it’s an outtake from the shoot yesterday. I stepped outside to get a shot done for the client when there was a bad storm rolling in. The wind was blowing pretty good. It was thundering and lightening. You could feel, hear, and see the ominosity of it – yet there was still this hauntingly beautiful light falling on the Loews Hotel just across from where I was shooting. Without hesitation, I brought my camera up and captured it.

This is it. And, for me, it is kind of a visual metaphor for much of what I’ve said above.

It’s about finding beauty in the Loews of life – sometimes having to fight to see that beauty – and then having sense enough to recognize and appreciate it when you do.